Disappointing You Is The Hardest Thing To Cope With

I'm a maximizer. A maximizer is never happy with anyone or anything due to the fact that they are constantly trying to surround themselves with the bigger and better picture, and no matter how great things start to look eventually they look down again. A lot of people in a 'maximizer's' life take this as an insult, they usually think that they aren't good enough to make us happy. In all honesty we are the problem though, no matter how many fights we pick, how many times we get angry and blame it on you, its always us, its always our fault for being completely unsatisfied. And no, it doesn't make everything all better just to admit it. It actually makes things worse because at least when we don't admit it we can try and pretend everything is going great. A lot of maximizers do this for the sake of the people they have come to love in life...husband, wife, children..etc. They find people they love and their happiness seems to be enough to keep them content. But its not always that easy. It's not as simple as just finding someone you have a shit ton in common with and keeping them happy at your own expense for the entirety of both of your lives. It used to seem that simple to me. But I was also extremely young and experiencing love for the first time in who I thought was a flawless guy and I was sure everything was meant to be pathetically perfect...that's a real 'lol' moment right? I'm not a pessimist. I'm sure it seems that I am and I guess to the outside world I could be, but I see myself happy. That happiness is just unattainable. I have a dream that I'll eventually find everything that could make me a better person,...a lifestyle that I can't or haven't reached yet, I'm not sure which. I would give anything to be and stay happy with him though and all I can do is hope that he knows that and hope that he understands this and me.